The Italian Twin Riding Hoods
by CandyFiend
Summary: Yes, the title is dumb. A random Hetalia practice oneshot. Made for laughs. Italy and Romano bring their grandmother cupcakes, but they aren't expecting an over-confident woodsman and a wolf-boy to get in their way. Human names used.


Little Italian Riding Hoods

Disclaimer: I don't own anything I write about.

. . .xXx.

"Veeee, where am I?" Feliciano blinked, observing that he was sitting on a bed that was not his own. And he was wearing RED. "Ve!" Feliciano exclaimed, pulling at the red hood and dress. "No, no." He shook his head, hopping of the bed with a small 'thump.' He toddled over to the dresser, opening it. "Red… red… red… red… white… red… red… whoever owns this wardrobe sure-a likes red… more red… oh! Yay! Green!" Feliciano exclaimed, clutching a familiar simple green maid's outfit. He didn't exactly know why Mr. Edelstein insisted he wear the outfit, but he'd gotten rather fond of it. He was glad that the wardrobe at least had a green dress.

"Eh? A note…" Feliciano noticed a note on the wardrobe in Austria's neat, stiff handwriting. "Dear… Feliciano," He read slowly, somehow reading the Austrian's strange language despite being flighty and not quite so well versed in German(?). "Your chores… today… are to bring… Gra-Grandmother Arthur… cupcakes?" Chibitalia stared blankly at the paper. "If… if you forgot… where he lives… ask Alfred. Avoid… um… I can't read this word." Feliciano finished reading. "Nn, be more quiet…" A familiar voice groused from the bed. Already dressed in a pink outfit given to him by Antonio, his brother Lovino tossed and turned among the white sheets. "Fratello! Where have you been?" Lovino glared. "I've been sleeping, idiota." He mumbled. "I'm so happy that you're awake!" Feliciano continued, cheerful regardless. "Whatever." The other Italian boy grumbled.

"Do you have any idea where we are?" Chibitalia questioned innocently. "No," Lovino grumbled. "Go away." Feliciano blinked dumbly. "I'll go cook some breakfast!" He exclaimed suddenly, rushing out the door. Lovino heard his brother crash down the stairs, and groaned, yawning tiredly. He thought he'd been with Antonio. Why was he in some random person's house? And who was Nonna Arthur? He shrugged. Whatever, pasta and pizza would make it better. "Wait for me, idiota!" Lovino yelled, stumbling out the door to the stairs. He gently tiptoed down, not intending to make his brothers mistake. On his way down, he noticed a picture of a man, but a mustache had been painted on his face in ink. He frowned, "Mustaches are ugly."

. . . .xXx.

"This pasta is only good because I helped to cook it." Lovino commented around a mouthful of food. Feliciano was to busy shoving unheard of quantities of pasta into his mouth to reply, not that he would have anyway. "Wait," Lovino paused, realizing something. "How do we bake cupcakes?" Feliciano blinked, he hasn't considered that before. "They're small cakes, right?" Feliciano suggested. "We'll bake a mini cake." Lovino shrugged. "Good enough." He made to get up, but stopped suddenly in shock. "Hey, fratello…" He started slowly. "Did you just have a good idea?"

"Pasta?"

"No, it was just a hallucination." Lovino shrugged it off. "I guess there might he such a thing as too many tomatoes. I'll go bake some small cakes now…" Lovino entered the kitchen, leaving his small auburn-haired brother behind. "What just happened?" Feliciano asked no one in particular, smiling cheerfully.

. . . .xXx.

"Let's go!" Feliciano exclaimed cheerfully, despite the fire department, the ambulance, and the police having been called in the past half hour. Lovino hissed as he fingered the white bandage around his arms. "Fratello, you idiota, why did you let me cook alone?" He grumbled irritably. He was quite humiliated after having the police make him swear to never attempt to cook ever again. "Huh?" Feliciano stared at a small white rabbit randomly hopping around. "Whatever." Lovino began to pull Feliciano in a random direction. They reached the edge of the woods, finally, when Lovino realized he'd been going in circles and finally changed direction.

A shadow loomed over the two, sending a chill up Lovino's spine. "W-wh-who's there?" He turned around slowly, facing the most horrifying sight ever imaginable to the young boy. A stranger, with an axe, standing right behind them. "Hi there! I'm the hero!" He exclaimed noisily. Lovino was fuming. He began a long, pointless rant, "You idiot! Did you know how scared I was? Of course you didn't! You idiot! I hate you! I mean, I wasn't scared at all, but why did you sneak up on us with that axe? You're an idiot!" His rant continued long after that, with the taller boy giving him a blank stare. "What do you have to say for yourself, idiota?" Lovino huffed, ending his rant.

"Sorry, try speaking American, it's the only language I understand." The boy laughed, and Lovino was completely fed up with this boy. They were exact opposites, it seemed, this boy was blond, good-natured, stupid, talk, and armed, while he was short, brown-haired, irritable, and most definitely unarmed except for his words. Which really didn't seem to do much good. "Haha, anyway, I'm Alfred." Alfred stuck out his hand. "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing here!" He stated cheerfully. Feliciano perked up, "Do you know where… uh… Arthur lives?" Alfred blinked. "Uh…" He stared into space, as if trying to remember. "Wait a second," he dug into his pocket, bringing out a piece of paper. "Oh yeah, that dude! He lives alone in a house in those woods. He doesn't have a cat, though, so he's definitely not crazy." Alfred beamed, while Lovino frowned. "Isn't that a little rude?"

"Yup." They stared at each other. Alfred broke the silence first, "I'm just going to go chop down some trees with my suspiciously convenient axe…" He whistled, walking off to do just that. "We're going into the woods." Lovino stated flatly, staring into the dark woods full of strange noises and apparently butterflies. Feliciano exclaimed joyfully, "Oh, look! It's so pretty!" He dashed off into the woods after the butterfly, Lovino hurrying after. The basket of 'cupcakes' was clutched in his hand, he wouldn't loose those cakes after what he'd been through to make them.

The further into the woods they got, the nicer it became. The grass grew in small patches, and the trees had thinned, allowing for sunlight to reach the road. Lovino was, as always, grumbling about something, while Feliciano attempted to talk to air. Soon a rustling caught both of their attentions. They stared apprehensively-at least, Lovino stared apprehensively- at the cluster of bushes, prepared for the strangest life could throw at him. Instead of rabid squirrel-monkeys, out came a boy who vaguely resembled a wolf. "Hallo." He greeted them quietly. "I am Ivan. I woke up in the woods with a tail and ears, and a doggy nose." The boy wore a thick, furry scarf that almost looked like a tail- no, on second thought, that was a tail. Other than that, as he had said, he had a small black nose, and brown ears poking through his hair.

"Oh, puppy!" Feliciano ran up to Ivan, beginning to scratch him behind his ear enthusiastically. Ivan's eyes narrowed, a small smile came to his face as he began to thump his foot along time with Feliciano's scratching. "Thank you." Ivan said with a toothy grin after Feliciano had stopped. "Anytime." Ivan stood, and he was taller than both of the boys on top of each other. "Um, would you mind waiting there until I ate your grandmother/grandfather/grandthing?" Lovino shook his head angrily, "I worked really hard to bake these cupcakes for whatever Arthur is, you are not going to eat it before I get there!" Feliciano nodded, "Ve~…" He sighed. Lovino tackled the taller boy, throwing tiny punches.

. . . .xXx.

In the end, Lovino was beaten by Ivan, who raced off to eat Arthur, Feliciano ate pasta, and Alfred chopped down trees. "I hate wolves." Lovino muttered, limping along next to Feliciano, sporting a purple bruise on his leg. "It's not so bad, at least there's pasta and we still have the cake!" Feliciano reminded him. "The idiota wolf made here before us!" Lovino fumed as he stopped in front of a quaint cottage with the door practically ripped off of its hinges. "Ah, really? How can you tell?" Feliciano inquired innocently. Lovino stared at Feliciano. "…" He turned, and stormed into the house. "Hey, Ivan! Come out here and- hey! Wait, what! Go away! Chi-!" Lovino's angry cry was cut off suddenly.

"Huh?" Feliciano started, noting the lack of furious yelling. And somehow noticing the absence of his brother. "Fratello?" He looked around. He climbed up the steps, peeking inside. "Fratello, are you in there?" It was dark, and a person sat on a small armchair. "Ah, a person! Hello there person, have you seen a little boy? No, of course you have, you've seen me, but have you seen any other boys? Hello?" Feliciano spurted whatever came to his mind while he was talking to the person in the armchair. They cleared their throat, and spoke in an obviously fake high pitched voice, "Hello dear, I'm Grandma Arthur. Have you brought my cupcakes?" Feliciano stepped inside, smiling with relief. "Oh good, for a moment I thought you were dangerous, but you're a grandma, you can't be dangerous…" Feliciano continued to babble about how he assumed all grandmothers were harmless.

"Come over here… please." 'Grandma Arthur' requested, interrupting Feliciano. Feliciano complied, but noticed, "You have very fluffy ears." 'Grandma Arthur' shrugged, "I couldn't find a way to hide them." Feliciano grinned, "Alright! And, you have purple eyes." 'Grandma Arth-' never mind, it's fairly obvious that this is Ivan the Wolf, so we shall now call him that. Ivan smiled toothily, "They help me see at night." Feliciano frowned. "You have big teeth, too." Ivan stood up, his head brushing against the ceiling. "I like to eat rabbits." He said, towering over Feliciano. "Wow, you look really strong!" Feliciano exclaimed, cheerfully ignorant of the taller boy's tail. And ears. And nose. And general wolf-like appearance. "That's so I can catch my prey." Ivan said cheerfully, lunging at Feliciano. "Ve~!"

. . .xXx.

"Ve, fratello, you're here too?" Feliciano questioned as he was tossed into a dark closet. Lovino refused to respond, although this may have had something to do with the fact he was asleep. Another older, blond man was also snoring in the closet. His eyebrows were enormous, Feliciano noticed, like pet caterpillars. But he really didn't remember much of the dusty old closet as he fell asleep soon after noticing the caterpillar eyebrows.

. . .xXx.

A loud thud was heard outside the closet as someone fell over. Someone was dragged out of the way of the door, although Feliciano was asleep and Lovino was just uninterested. The older man in the closet was still there, too, they'd found out he was Grandma Arthur. "Hey, the hero has come to save you!" A grinning figure with an axe appeared in the doorway. "Oh. You." Arthur commented bitterly. Alfred's grin widened. "Old man, what are you doing here? Totally didn't expect you to be- oh, wait, this is your house! Of course you're here!" He laughed cheerfully. "So, yeah, I'm the hero and I just saved you from the wolf dude."

Arthur and Lovino stared at him, unimpressed. "Oh yeah, and I ate the cake." Alfred added as an afterthought. This infuriated Lovino, as he made rude gestures and directed an angry muffled rant towards Alfred. "Ve?" Feliciano muttered sleepily, getting up. "Oh, yay!" He exclaimed excitedly, immediately rushing to hug Alfred. Alfred smiled smugly, shaking Feliciano off and striking a heroic pose. Arthur took out Lovino's gag, and they pushed past Alfred, grabbing Feliciano on the way. "Huh? Hey, wait up!" Alfred ran past an unconscious Ivan, who was halfway in his own closet.

. . .xXx.

THE END

Six pages long. I'm so proud of myself. :')

Ta-da, a random Little Red Riding Hood story, but with Hetalia characters. If you couldn't tell, Italy and Romano were Little Red Riding Hood, England was the grandma, America was the woodsman, and Russia was the wolf. Unfortunately, Russia didn't get as much attention as I'd wanted him to… but, oh well. What's written is written. :)

-CandyFiend


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